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Nov 22, 2013

The last time we kissed

God was bored in the Heavens, so one day he created People, but he was still bored and then he created Love and he was never bored again. After a while he felt pity for the people and he created Laughter so people can bear the love.

Chris Isaak - Life will go on
It was Summer, I was driving all day long and it was a long day. In the evening, I got home. I parked my car and I went up. I was carrying two large bags of food which I've got from my mum. I was away to my parents for a couple of days, but then I was back. Back to what?

I knew before opening the door that you will not be there anymore, but I didn't feel sad, I felt released. I actually felt a little bit enthusiastic, because behind that door was a new start.

I opened the door and there she was... my house without her. Actually was not my house, it was just the place where I lived. It was rented and at that moment I felt like you were also rented. I have rented you for almost 3 years, but you were never truly mine and I was never truly yours. Perhaps, we cannot be bought and we can't own anything, everything is rented: our time, our love, our friends, our life. Sadly, there is one thing we truly own, we own our Death, because it is, after all, the only thing we have it all the time and all things come to an end.

After this short meditative moment, I started unpacking my bags, vacuum a little and change the sheets. Then I decided that I will take a bath before going to sleep, my back was hurting from driving all day.

My body was soaked in hot water and I was gazing at the broken tiles from my old bathroom. I started thinking of you and I remembered the day when you left me post tips in the sugar can, saying "You are my sugar. I love you! PS: Don't eat too much sugar". Then I remembered the times when you were waiting for me naked, when I came back from work, sometimes because you wanted sex and sometimes because you haven't finished dressing up for going out.

I remembered also the times we had sex in the bath tub. I remembered the times we didn't had sex in the bath tub, but just took warm, fantastic showers.

I remembered everything or at least I thought it was everything, but then... I remembered! I remembered that before going home to my parents, I kissed you shortly on your lips, after a rough night of arguing. It was a short kiss. I said "I'll call you when I get home" and that was it. That was the last time we kissed.

My body was soaking in hot water. My face was all wet... with tears. But... it was just the first time I cried for you.

While I was crying I remembered the way you used to call me and then, almost instantly, I began laughing. It was so amusing! I felt sad, but I also felt happy, because... I had the privilege of paying rent for your love.

A long long time ago, but maybe not so long, we fell apart, because we also "felt" apart and all it remained was just... laughter soaked in tears.